Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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