I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
