Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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