I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
