also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
