You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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