Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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