she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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