youre lurking in front of me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
