i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
