ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As shirtless as possible
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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