It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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