question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
