I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
