i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
