he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
