your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dick has a subreddit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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