Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
True strength comes from lack of pants
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
