Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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