Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
