Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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