I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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