How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
