White coat. Heels.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
