he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
