Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up under a house in Key West
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
