I think my vagina is haunted
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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