the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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