He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
