i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
