Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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