Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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