Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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