Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
