you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
