i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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