I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
