i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
