somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
