I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
