you turned your livingroom into a bong?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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