just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
