so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
