I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
