I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
