Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
