Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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