Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
