what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
