you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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