Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
